Sex | StJohns

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Quick Glance: What does the draft framework say about sex?

Sexuality is part of our discipleship. St John’s does not offer a list of permitted and forbidden behaviours. Instead, we encourage relationships marked by:

mutuality
care and emotional safety
consent
respect and integrity
prayerful discernment
a desire to reflect Christ-like love
commitment
orienting our lives to Jesus’ loving leadership

Sex: Full Statement (draft)

We affirm that individuals are called to honour God in all areas of life, including their relationships and sexuality. We acknowledge that individuals must navigate their relationships with wisdom and discernment, and we recognise that leadership carries additional responsibility, as leaders model commitment, integrity, and a God-honouring approach to relationships. The church’s role is to support people as they discern how to live these values out in their context.

Biblical and Theological Themes

Wisdom and Discernment

Scripture offers broad guidance for wise relationships, faithfulness, mutuality, honour and self-giving love (Galatians 5; Ephesians 5; 1 Corinthians 13). These principles apply to people of all sexualities and relationship structures.

Wisdom involves:

recognising power dynamics
caring for one another’s emotional and physical well-being
resisting exploitation or coercion
pursuing relationships marked by respect and mutuality

Sex as Part of God’s Good Creation

Scripture consistently presents the human body and human relationships as good gifts from God (Genesis 1–2; Psalm 139). Sexuality is part of God’s design for intimacy, connection, and mutual belonging. It is neither shameful nor peripheral but a meaningful aspect of embodied life.

Sex Within the Wider Calling of Discipleship

Paul’s encouragement to “honour God with your bodies” (1 Corinthians 6:20) is a call to see sexuality within the larger context of discipleship. The Bible does not treat sex as isolated behaviour, but as part of how we express love, commitment, and integrity before God.

Leadership and Example

Those in leadership are called to model integrity and faithfulness, not perfection. Their approach to relationships, including how they navigate intimacy, commitment, and healthy boundaries, shapes the communities culture.

Historical and Pastoral Context

Throughout Christian tradition, the church has held various understandings of sexual ethics.

In today’s context, individuals and couples navigate a wide spectrum of experiences, trauma, family pressures, cultural messages, past relationships, and questions about embodiment and identity. St John’s seeks to support these journeys without shame or judgement, but instead to focus on:

compassion
commitment
rejection of exploitation
the protection of the vulnerable
the prioritisation of mutual love and care

What We Mean (Plain Language)

“Honouring God in sexuality”

Means approaching relationships with:

mutual respect
emotional and physical safety
honesty
care for another’s wellbeing
consideration of long-term impact
prayerful reflection
a desire to grow in Christ-like love

It is less about rules and more about relational integrity.

Christian sexual ethics are not primarily about rules but about commitments that reflect God’s covenant love. In all relationships, whether casual, dating, or long-term, we encourage people to discern what leads to integrity, honour, and spiritual flourishing. Discernment includes exploring commitment, mutuality, emotional maturity, power dynamics, safety, and the long-term implications of intimacy. Sex is understood not as an isolated act but as part of a wider movement toward covenantal love, shared responsibility, and Christ-centred discipleship.

“Wisdom and discernment”

Means recognising that every relationship is different. People may need:

space to reflect
healing from past harm

clarity about expectations
help navigating boundaries

conversations about consent, emotional readiness, family dynamics, and personal history

Discernment may be something we do alongside each other as well as in our own private time with God.

“Leadership carries additional responsibility”

Leaders shape the church’s relational culture. Their relationships should reflect:

accountability
maturity
consistency
kindness
healthy boundaries
a model of mutual honour

This does not require perfection. It does require openness to growth and willingness to receive guidance.

“The church’s role is to support, not police”

St John’s does not operate with a list of permitted and forbidden behaviours. Instead, we:

offer pastoral guidance
help people reflect on their choices
create supportive relationships
offer prayer and companionship

seek the Spirit’s wisdom together

What this does Not mean

It does not mean the church endorses all sexual behaviour as equally wise.
It does not mean we turn a blind eye to exploitation, coercion, or harm.
It does not mean people are required to disclose private details.
It does not mean everyone will make the same relational decisions.
It is a commitment to support, not to prescribe.

Pastoral Approach

When people come to us with questions about sexual relationships, St John’s commits to:

creating a safe, non-shaming environment
honouring confidentiality
recognising trauma or past harm
supporting couples in healthy boundaries
helping individuals discern relational readiness
challenging patterns of behaviour that harm self or others
avoiding judgement or moralising
treating everyone with dignity

Our aim is not to control behaviour but to foster growth in Christ-like love.

Implications for Church Life

Sexual relationships are understood within the wider call to honour God, meaning we encourage all individuals to approach intimacy with wisdom, care, and responsibility.
We do not reduce discipleship to a single issue. Instead, conversations about sexual behaviour are part of a holistic journey of following Jesus in all areas of life.
Pastoral care focuses on helping people make wise, healthy, God-honouring choices in their relationships, rather than enforcing rules or policing behaviour.
We recognise that people’s stories around sex can be complex, and so we offer spaces for honest reflection, prayer, and guidance without shame or fear.
We emphasise mutuality, consent, emotional safety, and respect as essential qualities of any sexual relationship.
Leaders carry an added responsibility to model integrity in all relationships, including sexual behaviour, as part of their public role in the church.
When people experience harm, confusion, or regret around sexual decisions, the church responds with compassion, support, and pathways toward healing, not judgement.
Young people and adults are supported in understanding sexuality, boundaries, and healthy intimacy in age-appropriate and pastoral ways that empower rather than shame.
We approach situations where sexual behaviour raises pastoral or safeguarding concerns with clarity and care, ensuring support for the vulnerable and accountability where needed.
We recognise that people may hold different convictions about sexual ethics, and we provide space for prayerful discernment rather than prescriptive control.

How This Reflects St John’s Vision & Values

Everyone gets to play: We recognise that every person is on a discipleship journey, and sexual decisions are part of that whole-life journey. We do not exclude or shame people based on their past or present experiences around sex. Instead, we create space for honest conversation, growth, and support, trusting that God meets each of us where we are and continues to transform us over time.
A Culture of Honour: We honour God and one another by approaching sex with respect, integrity, and care. This includes encouraging relationships marked by mutuality, consent, emotional safety, and responsibility. We avoid judgemental or shaming approaches, choosing instead to honour each person’s story and walk alongside them with compassion and dignity.
Pursuing God’s Will Together: We acknowledge that navigating sexual relationships can be complex, and so discernment happens best in community. As a church, we seek God’s wisdom together, supporting one another to grow in maturity and Christ-likeness. Leadership involves modelling healthy relational choices and integrity, not perfection. We trust the Holy Spirit to guide us as we encourage one another toward God-honouring decisions.
Jesus: We read Scripture through the lens of Jesus’ compassion and God’s restoring love.
Nurture: We prioritise walking with people rather than giving directives.