Divorce | StJohns

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Quick Glance: What does the draft framework say about divorce?

We recognise that in a broken world, relationships sometimes end. We encourage reconciliation where safe and realistic, but we do not pressure anyone to remain in harmful or destructive situations. Divorced people are fully welcome in church life and leadership. Remarriage can be one context for healing, renewal, and restored hope.

Divorce: Full Statement (draft)

We acknowledge that broken relationships exist in a fallen world, and we seek to support individuals pastorally through these challenging situations. We encourage those struggling in a relationship to seek reconciliation and make meaningful efforts to repair the relationship, when it is safe and appropriate, before considering divorce. The church's role is to walk alongside individuals in this process, offering grace, wisdom, and pastoral care as they discern the path forward. This approach also extends to relationships that were never legally formalised, recognising that the same principles of reconciliation, care, and commitment apply to all committed relationships, regardless of legal status.

Biblical and Theological Themes

Marriage as Covenant and God’s Heart for Faithfulness

Scripture consistently honours covenantal faithfulness and the intention that relationships be marked by love, mutuality, and commitment (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:4–6). These passages reflect God’s desire for relationships that are life-giving, honouring, and rooted in shared flourishing.

God’s Compassion for Those Who Suffer

Scripture consistently reveals God’s care for those who experience hardship, betrayal, or oppression (Psalm 34:18; Isaiah 61:1–3). The gospel centres on hope, restoration, and healing, rather than shame or punishment.

The Reality of a Broken World

The Bible also recognises that relationships can break down in painful ways due to sin, harm, betrayal, or circumstances beyond anyone’s control. Jesus’ teaching on divorce (Matthew 19; Mark 10) must be understood within a context where divorce was easy for men and devastating for women. His challenge was protecting the vulnerable, not a blanket condemnation of those whose relationships collapse.

Reconciliation and Wisdom

While reconciliation is encouraged where safe and possible (2 Corinthians 5:18–19; Romans 12:18), Scripture never requires someone to remain in situations of harm, oppression, exploitation, or chronic unhealthiness. Discernment is always contextual and requires wisdom, prayer, and support.

Historical and Pastoral Context

Church approaches to divorce have varied widely across history, from strict prohibition to grace-filled pastoral accommodation. Today, people inhabit a range of relational circumstances, some healthy, some unsafe, some deeply complex.
The St John’s Elders draft approach recognises this complexity and avoids rigid rules that may burden people unnecessarily or keep them in harmful situations. Instead, we centre pastoral presence, discernment, and relational support.

St John’s has, in practice, been responding to divorce in this way for many years, offering pastoral support without rigid rules. This framework simply articulates and clarifies the approach we have already been living out.

What We Mean (Plain Language)

“Broken relationships exist in a fallen world”

Some relationships encounter difficulties that cannot be resolved, despite sincere effort. This does not make individuals moral failures; it reflects living in a world where hurt, sin, trauma, and unmet needs affect us all.

“Seek reconciliation where safe and appropriate”

This means:

exploring conflict honestly
seeking support
pursuing counselling or mediation where helpful
pausing major decisions when possible

“Safe”

This acknowledges that not all situations allow genuine reconciliation, for example, abuse,

coercion, manipulation, unrepentant harm, or

deep incompatibility rooted in trauma.

“Walking alongside individuals”

Pastoral care does not mean telling people what to do.
It means:

listening without judgement
helping people reflect
praying together
offering wisdom and support
helping navigate complex emotional, spiritual, and practical realities

“Regardless of legal status”

Committed relationships that were not legally formalised can experience the same degree of covenantal commitment, and the same degree of breakdown and harm. We respond based on commitment and care, not paperwork.

What this does Not mean

It does not pressure people to stay in harmful or abusive relationships.
It does not suggest reconciliation is always possible.
It does not shame or exclude divorced people from leadership, belonging, or participation.
It does not treat divorce as a spiritual failure.
It does not suggest the church has the authority to make decisions on people’s behalf.
It does not imply that attempts at reconciliation are always wise or safe.

Pastoral Approach

When someone faces relationship breakdown, St John’s commits to:

listening with compassion
offering a safe space to talk openly
helping individuals discern next steps before God
supporting attempts at reconciliation where this is safe and desired
helping people find professional support where appropriate
walking with individuals and families through the aftermath of separation or divorce
supporting children pastorally and practically
avoiding judgemental or simplistic responses

For all in our church family, the posture is one of humility, gentleness, and presence, not verdict or instruction.

Implications for Church Life

Divorced individuals are fully welcome in all aspects of church life.
Divorce does not disqualify anyone from leadership.
We support individuals as they discern whether to remain in or leave difficult relationships.
We recognise complexity and avoid issuing moral “labels” on who is right or wrong.
We extend the same care to unmarried committed relationships when they break down.
We commit to being a community where people do not have to navigate relational pain alone.

How This Reflects St John’s Vision & Values

Everyone gets to play: Divorce or separation does not exclude anyone from belonging or serving.
Culture of honour: We treat all people, couples, individuals and families with dignity and compassion.
Listening to God together: We help people discern prayerfully rather than giving simplistic answers.
Jesus: Jesus’ compassion for the hurting and his protection of the vulnerable shape our response. We read Scripture through Jesus’ lens, seeking justice, mercy, and restoration.