Marriage | StJohns

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Quick Glance: What does the draft framework say about marriage?

St John’s holds that the heart of Christian marriage is covenantal commitment expressed before God, rather than any single legal form.

We affirm:

commitment, faithfulness, honesty, mutuality
covenants made intentionally and with witnesses
diverse ways in which people enter committed relationships today

We do not impose a single prescriptive model for every couple, but we support couples in discerning how to honour God in their commitments.

Marriage: Full Statement (draft)

We affirm that individuals are called to honour God in all areas of life, including their sex lives. Sex is a gift from God, for this reason sex is not casual or trivial. We believe that sexual intimacy is best within a covenantal relationship: committed, accountable and marked by faithfulness, exclusivity, consent, and long-term responsibility. Sexual behaviour that is exploitative, coercive or unfaithful, does not reflect God’s design.

We recognise that individuals must discern how to live faithfully in their context, and that leaders carry particular responsibility to model sexual integrity and accountability. The church’s role is to learn from, support, and walk alongside one another as we seek to honour God, and grow in maturity, grace, and Christlike love.

Biblical and Theological Themes

Marriage as Covenant

Scripture describes marriage using covenant language, rooted in faithfulness, mutual commitment, and self-giving love (Genesis 2:24; Hosea 2:19–20; Ephesians 5:21–33). Covenant reflects God’s own faithful character.

For St John’s, the heart of Christian marriage is commitment expressed before God, rather than a single legal, cultural, or ceremonial form.

When God makes covenants, they are visible and public (Gen 17, Exodus 24:3-8, Luke 22:20). And we can see covenants being made between people throughout the bible (Genesis 31:44-54, 1 Samuel 18:1-4 and Genesis 21:22-31).

Imago Dei and Human Relationships

All people are created in God’s image (Genesis 1:26–27). Relationships that embody dignity, faithfulness, mutuality, and love reflect that image.

Jesus’ Vision of Life Together

Jesus consistently centred relationship, love, and fidelity over legalism or social conformity. He honoured relationships that demonstrated faithfulness and challenged those that used religious structures to exclude or burden others.

Discipleship and Discernment

Throughout Scripture, God calls people into wisdom, prayer, and discernment (Philippians 1:9–10; James 1:5). St John’s trusts believers to seek God’s guidance in the shape and commitments of their relationships.

Historical and Pastoral Context

Christian marriage has taken many forms through history: covenantal, communal, civil and sacramental. Legal marriage has changed significantly across cultures and eras. In today’s context, people enter committed relationships in varied ways. Many seek to honour God faithfully without fitting into a single fixed model. St John’s responds pastorally to this reality, not lowering the importance of commitment, but broadening our ability to walk with people well.

What We Mean (Plain Language)

“Discern how to live faithfully in their context”

Each individual's situation and experiences are different; use wisdom, prayer, and community guidance to decide what faithful living looks like here and now for you.
We recognise that the most faithful choice for one person may not be the same for another person. We do not introduce strict one size fits all rules but instead set an expectation that each individual will put time, prayer and study into what living as a sexual being looks like for them.

“Leaders carry particular responsibility to model sexual integrity and accountability"

Leaders shape the church’s relational culture. Their relationships should reflect:

accountability
maturity
consistency
kindness
healthy boundaries
a model of mutual honour

This does not require perfection. It does require openness to growth and willingness to receive guidance.

“Gift from God”

God designed sex as something good; it should be valued and treated with care.
Describing sex as a gift from God affirms its goodness and purpose within loving, covenant relationships. It does not mean you owe something or must be perfect; it invites responsible, grace-filled use under God’s guidance. This gift is stewarded through consent, mutual respect, honesty, and care for one another’s wellbeing, with the aim of integrity and long-term flourishing.

What this does Not mean

It does not diminish the seriousness of commitment.
It does not treat relationships casually.
It does not imply “anything goes.”
It does not remove accountability from leaders or couples.
It does not reduce marriage to a matter of personal preference.
It does not mean legal marriage has no value — only that it is not the only faithful expression.

Pastoral Approach

A couple seeking support can expect:

a listening ear
guidance in prayer and discernment
invitation to reflect on covenant, faithfulness, and mutuality
support in navigating conflict or uncertainty
leadership that values character over conformity
a commitment to journeying with them, not prescribing outcomes

The church family may support couples in:

marriage preparation
blessing ceremonies
legal weddings
covenant-making before God

The form depends on the couple’s discernment and context.

Implications for Church Life

Couples, regardless of sexuality, may seek the blessing or celebration of their covenant.
Pastors may lead or bless ceremonies that mark a couple’s covenant commitment, whether or not this includes a legal component.
Discernment of those who may be called to leadership focuses on character and faithfulness, not relationship structure.
Groups and leaders are encouraged to cultivate environments of honour, accountability, and support.

How This Reflects St John’s Vision & Values

Everyone gets to play: No couple is excluded from relationship with God or one another. No couple is excluded from belonging or serving at St John’s.
Culture of honour: We treat people with dignity, trusting their discernment before God.
Pursuing God’s will together: We engage Scripture deeply and walk in humility, holding space for the Spirit to guide.
Jesus: Christ’s love, mercy, and invitation shape how we interpret Scripture.