What's behind our statements on Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage, Sex, Sexuality and Gender?
Our elders and congregation spent over six years prayerfully exploring what it means to follow Jesus faithfully in these areas. Throughout that journey, our desire has been to listen well to Scripture, to the Holy Spirit, to one another, and to the lived experiences of people within our church family.
The information below offers some additional context behind these statements, which we hope you will find helpful. If you would like to know more about our journey or speak further with someone, please get in touch via admin@stjohnslinlithgow.org
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Will everyone in the church agree with these conclusions?
No - and that is OK. We are a community that can hold space for theological difference, provided we treat one another with honour, humility, and love. We ask everyone to participate in the life of St John’s with respect, curiosity, and Christlike compassion.
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Are these final statements?
No. They express our current convictions and values, and will continue to develop. It is offered in good faith as part of our shared discernment. We expect future Learning Streams, teaching series, and community conversations to shape ongoing refinement.
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Is everyone welcome to lead at St John’s?
No. Leadership discernment at St John’s is based on character, spiritual maturity, relational integrity, and the fruit of the Spirit. Sexuality, gender identity and marital status, in themselves, do not prevent someone from being considered for leadership.
What this does Not mean
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It does not diminish the seriousness of commitment.
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It does not treat relationships casually.
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It does not imply “anything goes.”
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It does not remove accountability from leaders or couples.
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It does not reduce marriage to a matter of personal preference.
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It does not mean legal marriage has no value; only that it is not the only faithful expression.
We recognise that all relationships and commitments, irrespective of sexuality, are deeply significant and relational. We encourage individuals to seek God’s wisdom, shaped by Scripture, community, and the call to faithful, covenantal love.
The church upholds biblical principles of love, faithfulness and covenantal integrity. We understand covenantal integrity to involve an explicit, intentional commitment made before God and witnessed by others, rather than a purely private declaration between two people.
At St John’s, we celebrate and support marriage as a meaningful and important way of living out this kind of commitment, offering clarity, stability, and accountability for couples, families, and the wider community. Marriage is a recognised and established expression of this covenant. We also acknowledge that some couples seek to embody these same covenantal commitments outside of legal marriage. In such cases, we do not reduce the relationship to legal status alone, but look for the presence of these covenantal characteristics in practice, such as a clear public commitment, faithfulness, mutual responsibility, and accountability within a community.
Our role is to offer pastoral care and discipleship, walking alongside individuals and couples as they navigate their commitments before God and build relationships that are healthy, faithful, and rooted in God’s love.
Marriage
Our pastoral approach at St John’s is to walk alongside couples through listening, prayer, discernment, and ongoing support, encouraging reflection on covenant, faithfulness, and mutuality while recognising that people may discern different expressions of commitment before God.
In the life of the church, couples may seek blessing, celebration, marriage preparation, or covenant support, and discernment around belonging and leadership focuses on character, faithfulness, and participation in the community.
This reflects our vision and values as a church: that everyone is invited into relationship with God and one another, and that we pursue Jesus together with humility, honour, deep engagement with Scripture, and openness to the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
Remarriage
We affirm that divorce is sometimes necessary. Remarriage can be a path toward healing and restoration, and we encourage individuals to seek pastoral guidance, as they enter remarriage with care, wisdom, and a commitment to honouring God.
We also want to recognise those who have lost a spouse; widowhood brings its own grief and its own questions about the future, and remarriage after bereavement is equally honoured and supported within our community.
We also recognise that remarriage is not the only path forward. Remaining single after divorce or bereavement is a considered and faithful choice, and we honour that equally.
What this does Not mean
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It does not treat remarriage as required or automatically “the solution.”
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It does not assume that everyone who divorces should marry again.
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It does not deny the pain or complexity that may accompany blending families.
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It does not imply that divorced individuals must justify their past.
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It does not create barriers for divorced or remarried individuals to belonging, participation, or leadership.
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It does not require leaders to assess who “deserves” remarriage.
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This is a framework of grace, not gatekeeping.
Our pastoral approach to remarriage at St John’s is shaped by compassion, wisdom, and a commitment to walk alongside people through the complexity of relational journeys. We seek to create safe spaces for honest conversation, prayerful discernment, healing, and support, recognising the realities of blended families and the impact on children and wider relationships.
In the life of the church, remarried individuals are fully welcomed into belonging, service, and leadership, as we seek to reflect our vision and values through honour, nurture, and a Jesus-centred approach that prioritises grace, restoration, and relational support over judgement or prescription.
Divorce
We acknowledge that broken relationships exist in an imperfect world, and we seek to support individuals pastorally through these challenging situations. We encourage those struggling in a relationship to seek reconciliation and make meaningful efforts to repair the relationship, when it is safe and appropriate, before considering divorce.
The church's role is to walk alongside individuals in this process, offering grace, wisdom, and pastoral care as they discern the path forward. This approach also extends to relationships that were never legally formalised, recognising that the same principles of reconciliation, care, and commitment apply to all committed relationships, regardless of legal status.
What this does Not mean
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It does not pressure people to stay in harmful or abusive relationships.
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It does not suggest reconciliation is always possible.
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It does not shame or exclude divorced people from leadership, belonging, or participation.
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It does not treat divorce as a spiritual failure.
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It does not suggest the church has the authority to make decisions on people’s behalf.
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It does not imply that attempts at reconciliation are always wise or safe.
Our pastoral approach to relationship breakdown at St John’s is shaped by compassion, humility, and a commitment to walk alongside people through pain and uncertainty with gentleness and care. We seek to provide safe spaces for honest conversation, prayerful discernment, support for reconciliation where appropriate, and practical and pastoral care for individuals, children, and families affected by separation or divorce.
In the life of the church, divorced or separated individuals remain fully welcome in belonging, service, and leadership, as we seek to reflect the heart of Jesus by avoiding simplistic judgement, honouring complexity, and becoming a community where no one has to navigate relational pain alone.
Sexuality
We acknowledge that questions of sexuality and attraction are deeply personal and complex, touching on people’s identity, relationships, and faith. As a church, we seek to be a loving family where everyone can find a home.
Our welcome is without condition, grounded in the conviction that every person is made in God’s image and deeply loved by God. Therefore, we recognise the dignity, gifting, and calling of every person, irrespective of sexuality, and welcome all to participate fully in the life and community of St John’s.
We believe that committed, faithful relationships, irrespective of sexuality, can reflect the covenantal love and grace of God. As a church, we seek to walk alongside all individuals and couples as they discern how to honour God in their relationships. Where any couple desire to express their covenantal commitment through marriage, St John’s supports our pastors in facilitating this.
We believe that an individual's gifts and character are the key to discerning whether they should be in a leadership role. Someone’s sexuality in and of itself is not a barrier to serving in any role within St John’s Church, including leadership.
What this does Not mean
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It does not mean that all relationship choices are equally wise.
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It does not mean that the church is silent about unhealthy or harmful dynamics.
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It does not mean that sexuality is irrelevant to spiritual formation.
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It does not mean that we affirm patterns of behaviour that exploit or damage.
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It does not mean that safeguarding is disregarded or deprioritised, as safeguarding remains the most important consideration above all else in all our decisions and actions.
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It does not mean that the church approaches sexuality through restriction, suspicion, adjudication, but rather through discipleship, compassion and accompaniment
Our pastoral approach to sexuality at St John’s is rooted in prayerful discernment, compassionate listening, and a commitment to care for people with dignity, sensitivity, and respect. We seek to offer safe and confidential spaces for conversation and reflection, while supporting couples of all genders and ensuring leadership, membership, and service are open to all.
In the life of the church, teaching on relationships emphasises mutuality, faithfulness, character, and honour, as we seek to reflect our vision and values through the love, justice, hospitality, and welcome of Jesus — especially towards those who have often felt excluded, unseen, or harmed.
What this does Not mean
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It does not mean the church endorses all sexual behaviour as equally wise.
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It does not mean we turn a blind eye to exploitation, coercion, or harm.
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It does not mean people are required to disclose private details.
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It does not mean everyone will make the same relational decisions.
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It is a commitment to support, not to prescribe.
We affirm that individuals are called to honour God in all areas of life, including their sex lives. Sex is a gift from God, for this reason sex is not casual or trivial. We believe that sexual intimacy is best within a covenantal relationship: committed, accountable and marked by faithfulness, exclusivity, consent, and long-term responsibility. Sexual behaviour that is exploitative, coercive or unfaithful, does not reflect God’s design.
We recognise that individuals must discern how to live faithfully in their context. Those in leadership carry a particular responsibility to model this discernment: seeking God's guidance, remaining accountable, and drawing on pastoral support where needed. The church’s role is to learn from, support, and walk alongside one another as we seek to honour God, and grow in maturity, grace, and Christlike love.
Sex
Our pastoral approach to sexual relationships at St John’s is shaped by compassion, wisdom, and a commitment to creating safe, non-shaming spaces for honest conversation, prayer, reflection, and discernment. We recognise that people’s experiences and stories around sex can be complex, and so we seek to support individuals and couples with dignity and care, encouraging relationships marked by mutuality, consent, emotional safety, integrity, and responsibility.
In the life of the church, we seek to walk alongside people pastorally and prayerfully, offering support, accountability, healing, and guidance where needed, while reflecting our vision and values through honour, nurture, shared discernment, and trust in the ongoing work of the Holy Spirit in each person’s life.
Gender
We acknowledge that questions of gender and identity are deeply personal and complex, touching on how each person experiences being made in God’s image. Every human being is equally valuable and deeply loved by God, created to reflect God’s image and invited into relationship with Him.
As a church, we seek to be a family where everyone can find a home. Our welcome is without condition and grounded in the conviction that all people, whatever their experience or expression of gender, carry God’s dignity, gifting, and calling. We celebrate the diversity within God’s creation and affirm that gender identity or expression is not a barrier to belonging, participation, or leadership within St John’s.
We believe that following Jesus involves bringing every part of our lives before Him in trust and surrender. The fruit of the Spirit is the truest sign of a person’s discipleship and growth in Christ. Therefore, leadership and participation in the life of the church are discerned through character and faithfulness rather than conformity to particular gender norms or expectations.
What this does Not mean
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It does not mean that gender is irrelevant.
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It does not mean that we don't take people’s lived experiences and stories seriously.
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It does not mean that “anything goes.”
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It does not mean that we don’t hold everyone, regardless of gender, to the same standards of discipleship, integrity, and relational health.
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It does not mean that we claim certainty on every theological question.
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It does not mean that we prioritise gender discussions above mission.
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It means that the church approaches gender identity through discipleship, compassion and community.
Our pastoral approach to gender identity at St John’s is shaped by dignity, compassion, and a commitment to walking alongside people with patience, prayer, and respect. We seek to create space for honest exploration of identity and discipleship within supportive community, listening without judgement and prioritising safety, trust, spiritual growth, and pastoral care in the midst of complexity.
In the life of the church, everyone is welcomed as part of the church family and invited to participate and serve according to their character and gifting, as we seek to reflect our vision and values through honour, hospitality, shared discernment, and a Jesus-centred approach marked by compassion, truth, and grace.
Want to know more of how we got here?
For those who would like to explore this journey in more depth, we can provide the additional biblical and theological reflections that have helped shape our thinking and conversations over the years. This includes how we read Scripture together, what we mean by holding a high view of Scripture, and some of the wider themes and passages that have informed our approach. Please get in touch via admin@stjohnslinlithgow.org